I read this following article last week & found it interesting. Today I finally saw the show as I DVRd it.
http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/alzheimers-diabetes-brain
Alzheimer's hits close to home as I lost a dear uncle to Alzheimer's two years ago. Recently my mother in law lost her mother, or my husband's grandmother, or my son's "Granny" to Alzheimer's. I wish to never see this cruel disease on any of my family members again.
Please see the videos taken from the show. It is very informative & great information!
http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/alzheimers-breakthrough-pt-1
http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/alzheimers-breakthrough-pt-2
http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/alzheimers-breakthrough-pt-3
Alzheimer's breakthrough was found "by accident." It is called now diabetes of the brain. You can have diabetes of the brain, but no diabetes in the rest of the body. The brain makes its own insulin.
Foods to avoid are namely nitrites which are found in meats such as deli meats, smoked meats, processed meats, ground meats, bacon, etc. Read the ingredient label, if you see nitrites do not buy it, and buy an alternative. I have already practicing this due to my son's autism. If it were not for autism I would not be already taking measures to assist in my son's progress. However, there are many alternatives out there. I know because I still by deli meats and bacon without nitrites. However, the only ground meats I buy are turkey or chicken. I said no to ground beef. Applewood brand makes many nitrite free meats as well as Farmland All Natural.
Avoid white foods such as bread, pasta, rice & sugars.
Some beer can contain nitrites. However not all may contain it. No ingredient list on beer means we have no way to know if they do or do not have nitrites on every brand of beer. I say go for the wine, wine has shown several health benefits. See, I knew being a wino was not a bad thing! ;)
Avoid processed cheese, say no to Velveeta & any other processed foods.
Do your best to avoid processed foods & foods with preservatives. Eat wholesome & eat organic.
What do all these foods do? The brain has a barrier that protects it from being attacked. These nitrites or nitrosamines break down the blood brain barrier. Then the brain becomes attacked by toxins. Thus, the onset of Alzheimer's begins.
Labels
- Autism (8)
- For Your Viewing Pleasure (9)
- Great Sites For Moms (4)
- My CEO Moms Online Articles (3)
- My Son (2)
- Sad But True (9)
- School (5)
- ThredUp (4)
- Yummy Food and Recipes (8)
Pay $5 + shipping for a box of clothes for your kiddo at Thred Up!
Showing posts with label Sad But True. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sad But True. Show all posts
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
"IF" by Rudyard Kipling
My brother posted on Facebook that he found an old book of poetry that he had in elementary, and had not picked it up in years. In the book he found a poem and he stated, “The poem pretty much hits it on the head and is quite applicable for our time.” I find this poem to be pretty deep. More is to be learned from this than just the words that are written in this poem. Enjoy!
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Kipling is the author of these two well-known great works.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
This video was created as a plea to Merck, the FDA and the CDC to stop all Gardasil vaccination
Moms, please watch this before your daughter is vaccinated with Gardasil or if your daughter has been vaccinated with Gardasil.
The evidence of harm caused by the Gardasil vaccine is overwhelming and not worth the very questionable benefit.
- In 2008 alone, the FDA documented 6,723 adverse events.
- In 2010 there have been a total of 20,727 Gardasil-related adverse events, 90 deaths, 8,600 emergency room visits and 2,000 hospitalizations after Gardasil vaccinations.
- Plus, only less than 10 % of all adverse events following prescription drug or vaccine reactions are ever reported.
Gardasil does not protect against all types of HPV (human papilloma virus), and you can still get cervical cancer even if you have been vaccinated. Even the National Cancer Institute says, "It is important to note that the great majority of high-risk HPV infections go away on their own and do not cause cancer."
Report side effects to the FDA at http://www.fda.gov/medwatch/ or 1-800-FDA-1088 (1-800-332-1088).
Also report with VAERS at http://vaers.hhs.gov/esub/index online, by mail, or by fax.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true
by Wolfe Gary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Monday, February 28, 2011
POLL
Would you still get vaccinated if you knew someone who had a severe reaction from it, but eventually got better?
Would you still get vaccinated if you knew someone who had a life-long disease, illness, or disability from it?
Would you still get vaccinated if you knew someone that died from a vaccination(s)?
Friday, February 25, 2011
Since There Has Been So Much Talk About It Recently...
A reply to a post I read in a discussion forum concerning "more than 21,000 people had whopping cough in 2010 – the highest amount since 2005 – and among the worst reported in more than 50 years, federal health officials reported."
My reply:
It is scary and sad. The fact of the matter is pharmaceutical companies are allowed to make the vaccines unsafe and ineffective. Please read everything below.
However, I do not think that vaccinating parents should be pointing the finger at unvaccinating parents. Likewise, I do not think that unvaccinating parents should point the finger at vaccinating parents. I blame the pharmaceutical companies for making unsafe and ineffective vaccines. I also blame our government for making it mandatory, yet not making the pharmaceutical companies do something about their ineffective and unsafe vaccinations.
Do not believe what you are told, please look at the facts and research. 40 - 60 percent will still be diagnosed with the disease that they were vaccinated for. 65 percent of fatalities in adults from pH1N1 vaccination occurred in adults with underlying health conditions such as the elderly, pregnant women, the morbidly obese and those with immune deficiency disorders such as Lupus. These are the very ones that are encouraged to be vaccinated. There were "approximately 4000 deaths from April to October 2009" from the pH1N1 vaccination. 70 - 80 percent of child fatalities from underlying conditions such as neurological disorders (that would include autism). This information came from the CDC and government sites not an anti-vaccine site. I am sure an anti-vaccine site can come up with more numbers.
A privately funded survey concluded that vaccinated U.S. children have a "significantly higher risk of neurological disorders -- including autism -- than unvaccinated children." Vaccinated boys 11-17 were more than twice as likely to have autism than those not vaccinated. "The telephone survey of parents representing a total of 17,000 children appears to be the first of its kind -- and contrasts starkly with several government-backed studies that have found no risk from vaccines."
"No one has ever compared prevalence rates of these neurological disorders between vaccinated and unvaccinated children," said J.B. Handley, father of a child with autism and co-founder of Generation Rescue, which commissioned the $200,000 survey conducted by SurveyUSA, a respected marketing firm. I would not trust research done by the government or the pharmaceutical companies. I would rather trust the facts from the words of real people with an unbiased view.
The survey found that "among more than 9,000 boys age 4-17, vaccinated boys were 2.5 times (155 percent) more likely to have neurological disorders, 224 percent more likely to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and 61 percent more likely to have autism."
Vaccinations should not be scary for us or our children. Our country should be demanding the government to make pharmaceutical companies get rid of these current vaccines & create safe or safer ones.
Last year's California pertussis outbreak: 44-83% of cases were vaccinated; in Ohio & Texas, 67-75% were vaccinated.
http://bit.ly/eVJWSA
"What if we all had to buy Toyotas per gov't mandate, AND Toyota was free to make faulty gas pedals? That's how it now works for vaccines." Very well said by the Nutrition Care for Children!
If you are unaware about a grown woman who has severe brain injury with a lifelong seizure disorder from the DPT vaccine that was denied by the Supreme Court to get compensation from the pharmaceutical company responsible for the vaccine, then please read http://www.naturalnews.com/031484_Supreme_Court_vaccine_makers.html#ixzz1EsyjmJMc
It is pretty much all over the news & the internet now. I do not understand why more people are not outraged by this and demand otherwise from our government. Why are so many blinded?
A perfect video explaining what is all in our vaccinations is
Chemicals that were to be spilled on our skin we are told to immediately wash or seek medical attention or if ingested to call poison control, yet they are being injected into our babies. These are too many chemicals and toxins at one time. If I had to do it over again with my son I would have the vaccinations not all done at once, but over a period of time.
Next month I have to get a full work up of vaccinations for my externship and I am not thrilled about it. I am never sick, have great health, never had a flu vaccine, yet the last time I had the flu I was in high school. I am about to be 33 in March. I would love to find a way to put in writing to whomever will be administrating my vaccine shots that I will only get the vaccinations if the pharmaceutical company or companies are made accountable, liable, responsible and should compensate my family and me if God forbid I get a severe reaction, lifelong disease or disability, or even die from it.
My son will be 12 in September and will have to get the meningitis vaccination. I am not thrilled about this either as he already had a severe reaction at his 18 month old vaccinations which I later found out to be autism. Please read my blog about my son and about his reaction.
http://connerscomposition.blogspot.com/2010/03/russian-roulette.html
My reply:
It is scary and sad. The fact of the matter is pharmaceutical companies are allowed to make the vaccines unsafe and ineffective. Please read everything below.
However, I do not think that vaccinating parents should be pointing the finger at unvaccinating parents. Likewise, I do not think that unvaccinating parents should point the finger at vaccinating parents. I blame the pharmaceutical companies for making unsafe and ineffective vaccines. I also blame our government for making it mandatory, yet not making the pharmaceutical companies do something about their ineffective and unsafe vaccinations.
Do not believe what you are told, please look at the facts and research. 40 - 60 percent will still be diagnosed with the disease that they were vaccinated for. 65 percent of fatalities in adults from pH1N1 vaccination occurred in adults with underlying health conditions such as the elderly, pregnant women, the morbidly obese and those with immune deficiency disorders such as Lupus. These are the very ones that are encouraged to be vaccinated. There were "approximately 4000 deaths from April to October 2009" from the pH1N1 vaccination. 70 - 80 percent of child fatalities from underlying conditions such as neurological disorders (that would include autism). This information came from the CDC and government sites not an anti-vaccine site. I am sure an anti-vaccine site can come up with more numbers.
A privately funded survey concluded that vaccinated U.S. children have a "significantly higher risk of neurological disorders -- including autism -- than unvaccinated children." Vaccinated boys 11-17 were more than twice as likely to have autism than those not vaccinated. "The telephone survey of parents representing a total of 17,000 children appears to be the first of its kind -- and contrasts starkly with several government-backed studies that have found no risk from vaccines."
"No one has ever compared prevalence rates of these neurological disorders between vaccinated and unvaccinated children," said J.B. Handley, father of a child with autism and co-founder of Generation Rescue, which commissioned the $200,000 survey conducted by SurveyUSA, a respected marketing firm. I would not trust research done by the government or the pharmaceutical companies. I would rather trust the facts from the words of real people with an unbiased view.
The survey found that "among more than 9,000 boys age 4-17, vaccinated boys were 2.5 times (155 percent) more likely to have neurological disorders, 224 percent more likely to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and 61 percent more likely to have autism."
Vaccinations should not be scary for us or our children. Our country should be demanding the government to make pharmaceutical companies get rid of these current vaccines & create safe or safer ones.
Last year's California pertussis outbreak: 44-83% of cases were vaccinated; in Ohio & Texas, 67-75% were vaccinated.
http://bit.ly/eVJWSA
"What if we all had to buy Toyotas per gov't mandate, AND Toyota was free to make faulty gas pedals? That's how it now works for vaccines." Very well said by the Nutrition Care for Children!
If you are unaware about a grown woman who has severe brain injury with a lifelong seizure disorder from the DPT vaccine that was denied by the Supreme Court to get compensation from the pharmaceutical company responsible for the vaccine, then please read http://www.naturalnews.com/031484_Supreme_Court_vaccine_makers.html#ixzz1EsyjmJMc
It is pretty much all over the news & the internet now. I do not understand why more people are not outraged by this and demand otherwise from our government. Why are so many blinded?
A perfect video explaining what is all in our vaccinations is
Chemicals that were to be spilled on our skin we are told to immediately wash or seek medical attention or if ingested to call poison control, yet they are being injected into our babies. These are too many chemicals and toxins at one time. If I had to do it over again with my son I would have the vaccinations not all done at once, but over a period of time.
Next month I have to get a full work up of vaccinations for my externship and I am not thrilled about it. I am never sick, have great health, never had a flu vaccine, yet the last time I had the flu I was in high school. I am about to be 33 in March. I would love to find a way to put in writing to whomever will be administrating my vaccine shots that I will only get the vaccinations if the pharmaceutical company or companies are made accountable, liable, responsible and should compensate my family and me if God forbid I get a severe reaction, lifelong disease or disability, or even die from it.
My son will be 12 in September and will have to get the meningitis vaccination. I am not thrilled about this either as he already had a severe reaction at his 18 month old vaccinations which I later found out to be autism. Please read my blog about my son and about his reaction.
http://connerscomposition.blogspot.com/2010/03/russian-roulette.html
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I hate cancer!
Because of cancer I never knew my grandfathers.
My dad's dad passed away when my dad was only 8 years old.
My mom's dad passed away when I was 3. The only memory of my mom's dad is seeing him ill & being at his funeral.
However there are cancer survivors.
My mom's mom was a breast cancer survivor.
My brother was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 40. He too is a survivor!
Now my sister has colon cancer.
She just had surgery last week.
My hope is that she too will be a cancer survivor.
I will pray every day that she beats this cancer.
I will pray every day that I can do all that I can to help my family, my friends & all that I can to live healthier lives.
If I can make a difference in someone's health, in someone's life, if I can make a person stronger, if I can make a family healthier... I will try.
I will try to do what I can to help those seeking help & seeking answers.
To all my moms out there that have children with autism. I wish you all the success and the strength to keep presevering. I wish that you will find answers and solutions. I will pray for the progress of your child. I will pray for the happiness of your family. Keep trying! Don't give up. There is hope!
For those that want answers, for those needing solutions... I am here! I will help you!
There is not a greater gift than helping those in need. There is not a greater gift than improving lives.
If there is anything I can do, I will do what I can.
My dad's dad passed away when my dad was only 8 years old.
My mom's dad passed away when I was 3. The only memory of my mom's dad is seeing him ill & being at his funeral.
However there are cancer survivors.
My mom's mom was a breast cancer survivor.
My brother was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 40. He too is a survivor!
Now my sister has colon cancer.
She just had surgery last week.
My hope is that she too will be a cancer survivor.
I will pray every day that she beats this cancer.
I will pray every day that I can do all that I can to help my family, my friends & all that I can to live healthier lives.
If I can make a difference in someone's health, in someone's life, if I can make a person stronger, if I can make a family healthier... I will try.
I will try to do what I can to help those seeking help & seeking answers.
To all my moms out there that have children with autism. I wish you all the success and the strength to keep presevering. I wish that you will find answers and solutions. I will pray for the progress of your child. I will pray for the happiness of your family. Keep trying! Don't give up. There is hope!
For those that want answers, for those needing solutions... I am here! I will help you!
There is not a greater gift than helping those in need. There is not a greater gift than improving lives.
If there is anything I can do, I will do what I can.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
21 (Unit 7)
I wish there was no such things as guns. I wish people did not feel the need to carry guns. I wish the world was a place where they did not exist, a place where people were not fearful to the point to have to own a gun.
In my lifetime, nothing good has come from a gun. I guess if I were a victim, had to defend my family, and a gun protected our lives, then I would feel differently.
Twenty-one, it is an age of youth, when most are living life freely, a time when most people have pleasant memories. In Texas, it is a time when one can legally partake of alcohol.
Aaron, he was a good friend of mine in high school. There was a strong friendship of us 6 girls through-out high school. Then somewhere in our sophomore year, Aaron became apart of our 6-girl-group. We all sat together everyday for lunch in high school.
Aaron, was a soft-spoken guy. He was more on the shy side, then little by little he opened up more and more through-out our high school years. I guess we could have been snobby, ignored Aaron because he was a boy trying to get close to our group. Then again, I think that is why Aaron liked us. We weren't those kind of gals. We were smart, sweet, out-going, laughing all the time... after all 2 of us 6 gals were homecoming queen nominees. Aaron, was like a brother to us all.
One day, when I was 21, I get a phone call from my friend Jennifer. She tells me that Aaron died. Apparently, the story is that Aaron was cleaning a gun, not knowing that it was loaded, an accident that ended his young life. Aaron survived his parents, and his little brother.
Robert, he was my guy pal since I was 4. He was his own person, he never tried to belong, he just was. There are many childhood memories of him. Most of him being a typical boy, grossing out us girls, making us laugh hard, and him doing stupid stunts that caused bruising and stitches.
Another day, when I was 21, I get a phone call from my mother. Robert had died.
Then of course, there was Tessa. She was 21, she only had 2 more weeks until her 22nd birthday.
I lost 3 friends that all shaped and touched my life. All lived such a short time of only 21 years. All by a gun. What are the odds of that happening to someone?
In my lifetime, nothing good has come from a gun. I guess if I were a victim, had to defend my family, and a gun protected our lives, then I would feel differently.
Twenty-one, it is an age of youth, when most are living life freely, a time when most people have pleasant memories. In Texas, it is a time when one can legally partake of alcohol.
Aaron, he was a good friend of mine in high school. There was a strong friendship of us 6 girls through-out high school. Then somewhere in our sophomore year, Aaron became apart of our 6-girl-group. We all sat together everyday for lunch in high school.
Aaron, was a soft-spoken guy. He was more on the shy side, then little by little he opened up more and more through-out our high school years. I guess we could have been snobby, ignored Aaron because he was a boy trying to get close to our group. Then again, I think that is why Aaron liked us. We weren't those kind of gals. We were smart, sweet, out-going, laughing all the time... after all 2 of us 6 gals were homecoming queen nominees. Aaron, was like a brother to us all.
One day, when I was 21, I get a phone call from my friend Jennifer. She tells me that Aaron died. Apparently, the story is that Aaron was cleaning a gun, not knowing that it was loaded, an accident that ended his young life. Aaron survived his parents, and his little brother.
Robert, he was my guy pal since I was 4. He was his own person, he never tried to belong, he just was. There are many childhood memories of him. Most of him being a typical boy, grossing out us girls, making us laugh hard, and him doing stupid stunts that caused bruising and stitches.
Another day, when I was 21, I get a phone call from my mother. Robert had died.
Then of course, there was Tessa. She was 21, she only had 2 more weeks until her 22nd birthday.
I lost 3 friends that all shaped and touched my life. All lived such a short time of only 21 years. All by a gun. What are the odds of that happening to someone?
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tessa (unit 6)
I had a friend that I cared about deeply, at the time I considered her a best friend. She was a very interesting, caring, soulful person, so full of life. She was one of those people that would walk into a room and all eyes would be upon her. She could instantaneoulsy light up a room. She gave the biggest bear hugs, at times she'd hug me so hard my back would pop. I met her when I was at my lows. I think I had post-partum depression after I had my son. However, I didn't know, I didn't know anything about post-partum depression. I did one day over hear my dad speak to my mom and say "I don't know what is wrong with my mija. She's not the same, she doesn't have that same spark in her eyes." I had lost all my pregnancy weight in 2 weeks. Then I got on the depo-provera shot. Which I blamed later for how I was feeling. It made me sleepy, it made me not care about my appearance, it made me very unmotivated, and it made me gain 26 lbs in 2 months! I use to tell people that I would never wish it on my worse enemy. So maybe it was the depo or post-partum depression, but it was something that later affected me after the depo-provera shot. Eventually, I managed to slowly come out of a fog. Then I met Tessa. She gave me my spark back.
Tessa was always a happy go-lucky gal. When she was a high school student she boldly went to Japan by herself to visit her aunt. When she graduated high school, she once again ventured off by herself to Hawaii. I believe she was a person that loved everyone, loved life, and wanted what it all had to offer. I know that she loved her mom and little sister very much. I know that she admired her mom for all her hard work as a single parent, and then even being a foster parent. I can remember how happy she was when her mom was able to adopt the children that she was a foster parent to.
Then little by little I saw my friend drift away. She began isolating herself from friends, she would still call me, but not as often. Then one day I went to visit her, and it saddened me. She seemed so different. She was not the same girl anymore, she seemed sad and depressed. Once she even cried on the shoulders of my husband and I. There was something deeply bothering her. I tried often to get her to tell me what was bothering her so bad, but she would just shake her head or say that it was nothing.
After several pep-talks, somehow she came out of this depression or at least she fooled us all. However, the last time I spoke to her, the last time I saw her, she seemed like she was back. She was very much looking forward to upcoming events. Before our conversation ended abruptly, she had pulled me to the side. She asked if she could speak to me about something important. She went from super excited and happy to so very serious. So right as she was about to tell me something that appeared to be serious and confidential, my husband came over to us, and said we had to go. It was time for us to get back home. Tessa begged if I could stay, that she had something to tell me. She offered to take me home, even though it was out of the way for her. However, our "serious" conversation never took place.
The next day, Tuesday, I tried calling her, no answer... I wish I had went to go visit her.
Wednesday, my husband saw Tessa at her work, he said that she seemed fine.
Thursday, my mother in law and a friend came to the house. My friend broke the news. She said that her boyfriend came home Wednesday night, and found her dead in her apartment. I couldn't even put together what I was being told... I was in shock, and then I screamed and cried. That was over 7 years ago.
There are details that I was later told about, but I won't go into it. Sometimes I question if it was suicide. Maybe it is just me that still cannot come to terms with what happened. Maybe it is denial that she would do that.
I wrote this for her 6 years ago.
TO TESSA
Beautiful vivacious woman, so full of love
The one I am always thinking of
Everyday I can see your face
Your appearance of breath-taking grace
You visit me briefly in my dreams at night
Mostly in your favorite place of sun & light
Once again I can see that amazing spark in your eyes
When the dream ends my heart & soul cries
Your beautiful smile, the sound of your laughter, the smell of your hair
Is forever with me & it will always be there
You tell me goodbye & then hug me so tight
I begin to cry & you say, "Sweetie, everything is alright"
Then I know it is our time to part
Now I must hold you so close to my heart
The best times of my life were spent with you
Sometimes I can not believe this is all true
That you are not here with me today
And that you seem close, yet so far away
I miss you more than words can explain
It is a feeling beyond great pain
Yet you come to comfort me
And that together again it will be
I know when my lifetime on earth comes to an end
I will never say goodbye to you again, my friend
So I will sing out with joy of heart
That it is together again & not apart
I thank God that you were a part of my life, everyday...
That you changed my views & thinking in a profound way
You taught me to live freely & to not be afraid
Then after you left another change was made...
I learned to make everyday count, as a habit
To cherish each moment, seize it & grab it
I want to thank you for everything...
For all the love & joy you did bring
I am a better person because of you
Almost like a person made new
Most importantly I need you to know
How much I greatly love you so
So if I could do it all over again, you see...
I'd know for sure you knew how much you meant to me
Forgive me, for there is something I need to do
To say you are greatly missed & I love you
Tessa was always a happy go-lucky gal. When she was a high school student she boldly went to Japan by herself to visit her aunt. When she graduated high school, she once again ventured off by herself to Hawaii. I believe she was a person that loved everyone, loved life, and wanted what it all had to offer. I know that she loved her mom and little sister very much. I know that she admired her mom for all her hard work as a single parent, and then even being a foster parent. I can remember how happy she was when her mom was able to adopt the children that she was a foster parent to.
Then little by little I saw my friend drift away. She began isolating herself from friends, she would still call me, but not as often. Then one day I went to visit her, and it saddened me. She seemed so different. She was not the same girl anymore, she seemed sad and depressed. Once she even cried on the shoulders of my husband and I. There was something deeply bothering her. I tried often to get her to tell me what was bothering her so bad, but she would just shake her head or say that it was nothing.
After several pep-talks, somehow she came out of this depression or at least she fooled us all. However, the last time I spoke to her, the last time I saw her, she seemed like she was back. She was very much looking forward to upcoming events. Before our conversation ended abruptly, she had pulled me to the side. She asked if she could speak to me about something important. She went from super excited and happy to so very serious. So right as she was about to tell me something that appeared to be serious and confidential, my husband came over to us, and said we had to go. It was time for us to get back home. Tessa begged if I could stay, that she had something to tell me. She offered to take me home, even though it was out of the way for her. However, our "serious" conversation never took place.
The next day, Tuesday, I tried calling her, no answer... I wish I had went to go visit her.
Wednesday, my husband saw Tessa at her work, he said that she seemed fine.
Thursday, my mother in law and a friend came to the house. My friend broke the news. She said that her boyfriend came home Wednesday night, and found her dead in her apartment. I couldn't even put together what I was being told... I was in shock, and then I screamed and cried. That was over 7 years ago.
There are details that I was later told about, but I won't go into it. Sometimes I question if it was suicide. Maybe it is just me that still cannot come to terms with what happened. Maybe it is denial that she would do that.
I wrote this for her 6 years ago.
TO TESSA
Beautiful vivacious woman, so full of love
The one I am always thinking of
Everyday I can see your face
Your appearance of breath-taking grace
You visit me briefly in my dreams at night
Mostly in your favorite place of sun & light
Once again I can see that amazing spark in your eyes
When the dream ends my heart & soul cries
Your beautiful smile, the sound of your laughter, the smell of your hair
Is forever with me & it will always be there
You tell me goodbye & then hug me so tight
I begin to cry & you say, "Sweetie, everything is alright"
Then I know it is our time to part
Now I must hold you so close to my heart
The best times of my life were spent with you
Sometimes I can not believe this is all true
That you are not here with me today
And that you seem close, yet so far away
I miss you more than words can explain
It is a feeling beyond great pain
Yet you come to comfort me
And that together again it will be
I know when my lifetime on earth comes to an end
I will never say goodbye to you again, my friend
So I will sing out with joy of heart
That it is together again & not apart
I thank God that you were a part of my life, everyday...
That you changed my views & thinking in a profound way
You taught me to live freely & to not be afraid
Then after you left another change was made...
I learned to make everyday count, as a habit
To cherish each moment, seize it & grab it
I want to thank you for everything...
For all the love & joy you did bring
I am a better person because of you
Almost like a person made new
Most importantly I need you to know
How much I greatly love you so
So if I could do it all over again, you see...
I'd know for sure you knew how much you meant to me
Forgive me, for there is something I need to do
To say you are greatly missed & I love you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)





